I know I planned to blog more over vacation, but I don’t feel the least bit sad to say that I was too busy enjoying the time, and refused to feel guilty about not accomplishing more blogging.  Aren’t blog post supposed to be a freely chosen activity anyway?  If it becomes another job then forget it, I have enough of those already (at least that is how I rationalized it).

A great visit this past weekend with Steve followed an absolutely wonderful time at the Hillsboro Balloon Festival.  Both of these things are tied together under the above title.  First the festival, then the visit.

Savannah had been training for a 5K in the Fall and I could tell she was quickly losing interest in the idea of 3 months of running for one event in October.  Few kids just have that kind of attention span.  So I started looking for a race a in July just to spice things up.  I found a 5K associated with the Hillsboro balloon festival this past Friday night, so we headed down.  It turne out to be an absolutely perfect night.

I didn’t realize they would have a fair going on as well as lawn tractor pulls (people would Tim the Toolman Taylor trick out their lawn tractors and have pulling competitions – it was far cooler then I thought it would be), hot air balloons, and the race.  We registered for the race, and then spent an hour cruising the fair.  During this hour the clouds we had on the way down cleared out and a quintessential New England Summer Night was in full swing – one of those days you are just content to be right there right then.

The kids hit a few rides then Savannah and I headed over to the start of the race.  It was so cool to do a little pre-race warm up run and talk with her about pacing and the fact that at mile two she would be tired, mile 2.5 she would be dead tired, and mile 3 she would be completely empty, but that we would finish together no matter what.  It occured to me that a really unique part of running is the ability to share it with those around you.  I mean I can coach one of my kids teams, or be there on the sidelines for their games.  However, what other sport (I can’t think of any other off the top of my head) allows you to line up with your kid and participate in it with them?  To more then vicariously share the experience…  I’m not saying that I would want to head out with Savannah if she joined a cross country running team at her meet.  That might be a tad bit of the overbearing, involved a little to much, parent mentality that I want no part of!  I don’t know, this part of running is kind of neat and unique I think.

We made it all 3.1 miles without stopping (except water stops, but those don’t count anyway) and finished in 32 minutes.  Damn good for a 10-year-old.  Along the way we saw hot air balloon’s launch, horses, cows, geese, a waterfall, and the sun dance off the few remaining clouds in the sky.  This is something I miss during hard races where I am pounding the pavement with a little to much competition in my veins.  In fact, when I saw the leader on their way back and measured his pace I knew I would have won this race (and in fact would have if I came anywhere near my normal 5k pace).  Yet, there was no place else I would have rather been.  I had a great conversation with Savannah on the way out, she was pretty winded on the way back.  Man, how can you top that whole experience?  One memory I have, and I’m sure Savannah does as well, is the final 200m too the finish when she went tearing down the road and some lady yelled “YOU GO GIRL!” As soon as she crossed the finish line she turned and said “Did you hear them yelling for me?”  I know it made an impact on her, and I guess it made one on me as well because that is what I was saying to myself as I saw her take off.

Once we were done, and Savannah donned her newly earned T-shirt, it was off the the Fair.  I can’t say enough about how much Christina and Joe supported Savannah by waiting for the half-hour it took us just to yell encouragement over the last couple hundred meters.  Joe earned his night at the fair.  We went on a bunch of rides, ate some ridiculously bad food, and snapped about a hundred pictures (I promise I’ll post some soon).  By the time we left our entire family just felt blessed to have stumbled on this night that had us all feeling like it was the perfect day.

Of course, I knew it was only continuing on as I was picking up my best friend whom, I love like a brother, and hanging out for the next 15 or so hours.  We met Steve at the airport and it took approximately two milliseconds to start talking like we had just seen each other yesterday (that to me is the ultimate sign of friendship).  On the way home we shared some pizza, and good conversation.  Once home we played a two games of cribbage where I absolutely smoked his ass.  It wasn’t really even a competition.  I tried to take it easy on him, but sometimes there is no helping someone that un-talented at a game.

As the night wore on the conversation moved to a discussion about “The Best Things in Life.”  In short, Steve had wondered allowed to his sister if the best things in life were really family barbecues, good conversation, and kids running around.  What a drastically different picture then what we had imagined in our youth.  Given that it was three-thirty in the morning, I stammered out the best response I could, but have had much more time to think about it since then.

The Best Things in Life, and I’m going to steal something from the movie “Into the Wild,” are those moments when we can share true joy and happiness with those we care about.  After much time thinking about it I cannot think of a single moment that has qualified as “Best in Life” that does not involve someone around me.  Given how terribly isolating I can become, this is not alway easy to overcome.  However, it is an absolute truth and fundamental to being human.  I don’t know what your definition of a “Best Thing in Life” is (running a 5k at a fair?) but I’ll bet it involves the people you care about in some capacity.

Yep, Friday July 11th into Saturday July 12th was a day that will be remembered for “The Best Things in Life.”

Now coming back to work on Monday…

It has been a while since I heard this song.  Driving home from my sister’s while changing radio stations this song came on and I immediately felt like I needed big hair, make up (well not really), odd outfits, and someone or something to rage against.  I was riding with Savannah and Joe and we began to talk about the things we wish we could scream “We’re not gonna take it” at.  Interestingly, I was Joe’s age when this song came out so I’m sure my list would be similar to his present day list and not that different then Savannah’s either.  Savannah was a little tentative at first, but came up with cleaning her room and bed times.  Joe hesitated about a millisecond and started a list that included school, cleaning his room, eating healthy food, not being allowed to bring creatures found out doors inside, random destruction of various objects being frowned upon, and honestly I ran out of memory for the rest.  Kids are funny!

I am at work today, well kind of, despite the fact that I am supposed to be on vacation so that I can move from one office to another.  Generally speaking I don’t care where I sit in front of a computer.  Really, what’s the difference?  My biggest concern was “does the new building have a shower facility so that I can continue to go on my runs and come back to work?”  Once that was affirmed, everything else was just details.  However, being here today on “vacation” made me think of a modern day list of “were not going to take it” at the age of 32.  To get myself ready I listened and watched the video embedded below (who would have thought I’d be able to watch this video 25 years after the first viewing on my computer by typing in a name to you tube and instantly finding what I wanted? Crazy).  Once complete I came up with the following Top 5 things I’m not going to take anymore (in no particular order):

1.  Politicians ’nuff said.  They suck!  Is there one politician out there worth a damn?  I mean, weren’t the founding fathers creating a system where serving in Congress was a “service job” along the lines of Peace Corps?  It was never supposed to be a profession that voted itself sweet raises and cushy retirements.  I can’t say enough bad things about our politicians – it just makes me want to scream were not going to take it anymore!

2.  Millionaire’s  complaining  – whether it is the superstar athlete, mega-movie star, business CEO, or latest lottery winner complaining about anything.  You have a enough money, see a therapist.  It is not that I think your life is perfect, on the contrary I think money buys more problems then it solves.  Its just that I don’t want to hear about it.  Coincidentally, did I mention we are down to one TV channel and watching what we want on the Internet?  In fact, to the people interviewing mega millionaires so they can complain out loud, were not going to listen!

3.  Gas prices – They are high, they suck, but you know what?  Until we, as a collective society, give up $3.50 double espresso lattes with a shot of skim milk and light frothing or what the hell ever, we can’t complain.  Want things to change?  Get rid of your gas guzzler, start car pooling where and when possible, and demand change in the public transportation system by screaming were not gonna take it with action.  Until then give up the latte, or quit bitching.

4. The sidewalks in Claremont – I have tried jogging these things for two years now and have seen exactly 3 days of snow removal this winter, and about 200 yards of repair.  I’m betting the trail up Mt. Everest is in better shape then some portions of the sidewalk.  For the $4,000 + a year in property taxes we pay I would like to see our fine city workers who drive brand new gas guzzling Ford F-350 around town actually do something.  Fix the sidewalks, or better yet, solve two problems at once by putting in a bike/running lane and now people can leave their cars at home 6-months a year if they so chose.  If this seems to be to much, then just cut my property taxes, half the city workers, and let’s see if we even notice their absence…  I’m not going to take this anymore.  Maybe I should talk with my therapist about this???

5. Everything Joe and Savannah said…

Now your turn, watch the video and create think about what you don’t want to take anymore…

Things kids say the cutest things (satire included):

Savannah: “Dang, did the power go out?”

Me: “Whatever would give you that thought?” 

Savannah: “My light is off and the air conditioner isn’t running.”

Me: “Yes, and the radio is also off, as is the fan that was blowing in the corner of your room towards your closet for no apparent reason.  No sweetie, the power isn’t off, but if you keep running every electrical device available to you 24-hours a day for no reason then the power will be off because we can’t pay the bill.”

Savannah (smiling akwardly): “That wasn’t the best question I have ever asked huh?”

Me: “nope, not really.”

On a different note, this weekend I became a Godfather to Anna Ruth Reeves.  It was a really cool day in general.  The baptism was moving, I should stop being surprised by the power of the Holy Spirit when I open myself to its presence.  It is a good thing our God is a patient and loving God.  After the baptism we went back to the parents house and played some ultimate frisbee.  Speaking of spirit, I felt the spirit of a friend named Vince while racing through my parent’s field after a frisbee.  It was just the sort of envrionment he would have enjoyed - friends, family, beer, and frisbee!  It is kind of cool how my siblings spouses have rounded out a small ultimate frisbee team that includes my children.  What used to be a family of six is now sixteen people at family gatherings.  We can always count on six to nine being up for some sort of game.  I don’t know what I find more intriguing, the size of the family or the fact that Joe and Savannah held their own in the games after much practice this Spring.  Good times indeed.

Can’t have a post without some sort of running reference!  I ran in the Claremont Moody Park “All Out Trail Run” on Saturday and had the most fun running ever.  Yes more fun then Boston!  The Boston Marathon is an experience that cannot be matched by any other running event (I’m guessing).  I think a future post may include a scale on what makes a run spectacular.  I’m not sure that I know all the element off the top of my head, but I’m guessing Boston would be tops in many of the categories.  However, for straight up fun – the trail run is where it is at!!!

It rained the past freaking week – that sucks – but it left mud through out the entire run.  After 0.3 miles you stop worrying and just try not to break an ankle.  It is something primal, or child like, dashing through the woods and mud.  By the end I had taken an impressive digger into a mud/rock pile that cost me a finger nail and a variety of scrapes/bruises, was totally covered in mud, breathless after climbing a grade that literally required utilization of hands at one point to get up, and exhilirated!  That was a fun run…

It is now onto vacation and sometime to blog about the good, bad, and hopeful for the coming summer.   The Fourth is coming up, a quick visit from Steve, and Deep Sea fishing over the next two weeks.  Lot’s to write about without even getting into the other musings that I wanted to put on the blog, but didn’t have time over the last month. 

It has been an incredibly challenging month since Christina graduated, but I’ll save those thoughts for another post.  There has been a few things that I rely on for sanity and perhaps the biggest is running.  When I say running I mean the all encompassing parts of heading out for some exercise therapy.  Some days this is a run with no one, and not even a time clock; at other times this has been events like the Skip Matthew’s Memorial Father’s Day Run the fam + Matt, Danielle, and Anna.  Today will be church then a run home where there will be time to pray and think along the beautiful Sugar River. 

The great thing about all of this has been the longer days, T-shirt and shorts then go, and nearly endless choices of races to say “let’s go here today, hit the race, then go do…”  Of course, we have been blessed with gorgeous running conditions in the Northeast (realtively speaking).  Other then a few soul sapping 90+ days, we have been “stuck in a persistent low that has kept temperatures down and the daily threat of thunderstorms and showers around” (still working on my Weatherman).  Speaking of Weatherman, I finally saw the new to video Will Farrell flick “Semi Pro” and I don’t think the best 20 minutes of that movie beat the worst 20 minutes of “Weatherman.”  Just not very good.  Whew, talk about flight of ideas, time for the meds again.

I am finally getting better about bringing a camera and taking pictures at various events.  These are from the Skip Matthew’s run.  This was a really great run.  There was a one mile fun run before the four mile race.  Savannah ran this with “Aunt” Danielle in just over 10 minutes.  This was Savannah’s first run off the track and out in a “race like” environment.  She learned a valuable lesson that comes with running in races – where to line up.  She and Danielle became very frustrated because they wanted to run the whole mile, and they ended up in the middle of the pack where some people where pushing baby strollers, others were helping their 18-month old walk, pick up rocks, point at the birds, and so on.  Very enjoyable if you are a spectator as I was, but not as much fun when you are Danielle and Savannah trying to “run.”  At any rate, they finally made their way around the walkers and ran about 3/4 of a mile.  They had a lot of fun, and Savannah learned her first race-day lesson: line up where you plan to finish up.  Granted, this is not the easiest thing in the world on a fun run, but we’ll know next time not to get caught behind those who are just learning to walk

I ran the four mile run with Matt, we’ll not technically with Matt, but on the same course.  We talked about it before hand and decided there is nothing worse then running and struggling while someone coast along next to you.  This was supposed to be a chance to get together, hang out, and have fun – not look for reasons to want to kill someone.  I ran at my 5K race pace and held it over the 4 mile course for the most part (I was about 2 seconds per mile off at the end).  What was great is how I felt at the end – tired, but not “Someone call the ambulance cause I’m going down tired.”  I’ll be interested to see where my training takes me by the end of the summer.  Matt finished in 6:50 miles and fourth for his age division.  Really remarkable considering he is an avowed running “hater.”  However, the Marines and his own ambition to stay healthy drive him to exercise and he ran a great race.  It was so fun to watch him come up the small hill at the end and see Danielle with Anna run up the hill saying “let’s go meet Daddy.”  It was really a cool snapshot in time.  I’m glad I was there.

Speaking of Anna, it is a good thing we can’t have babies anymore – after watching Christina play for two solid hours with Anna and give her the first Chocolate Chip cookie of her life, I’m sure the gears were turning.  I love babies, but don’t want anymore!  No matter how cute they are with chocolate from head to toe and a big smile like “that beats breast milk, by a thousand miles!”

Pictures…

Danielle and Savannah doing a little pre-fun run stretching.  Two things about this picture: yes they did get a few odd looks, and this was an occasion for me to realize that my daughter officially became “embarrased” in a pre-teen way even though (or perhaps because of) her Aunt’s gleeful participation.

Not to be outdone…  Yes, more odd looks only we didn’t have the advantage of a cute child smiling akwardly to take some of the attention from our ridiculousness.

Lining up, notice the stroller?  There were plenty more in front of them.

While they ran, I got to play with my beautiful Niece, pre-cookie!

Streaking to the finish.  I wanted to get them together, but the split up to get around the woman in the picture.  Sorry Danielle you were cut out a little…

Finishers ribbon and good memories

Start of the 4-miler.  I arrived to the starting line and could not find a way to move up, so I got caught in the pack for the first 1/4 mile. 

Matt charged out at a 6:25 mile and said “no way!”  Looks strong enough here…

Easily one of my most cherished memories will be Joe taking off at a dead sprint to help me cover the last quarter mile.  He is fast, crossing the finish line with him on Father’s Day… yeah. 

Matt making it up the last hill.  This is the part of the run where he really started to push – amazing what a cheering section can do for you at the end of a run.

I’ll spare you the award ceremony pictures.  It was a blast!  A real break from all the chaos of the past month.  At the end of the day we enjoyed a barbecue and Matt won a free beach towel, can’t beat that!

So I just got out of my car to walk back into work after a thrilling meeting.  It is freaking hot here, I mean like San Antonio in the middle of July hot.  95 degrees with a 101 heat index – not pleasant when air conditioning is “not really necessary save for a couple times a year” according to many a New Englander.  Maybe that is true, but those times when you want it – you really freaking want it.  At any rate, I listened to the weatherman talking about the coming severe thunderstorms and he sounded as giddy as my kids talking about Christmas presents.  I guess if you live in New England, and are a weatherman, the threat of severe hail, tornado’s, and thunderstorms is something to get geeked up about.  Kind of like a weatherman in Atlanta talking about the coming Blizzard.  I’m not sure I would be happy about life if I was a weatherman and this was exciting to me.  I just think ”man I hope it cools off” and “man I hope the hail doesn’t dent my car.”  But, what do I know – I think a lot of things are cool that others are sure is lame.  To each their own

I meant to post these earlier, but just remembered while blog surfin’ that I had them.  These are from the covered bridges half marathon.  Great run, I highly recommend this 1/2 for the quintessential New England run if you are coming from outside the area.  Results here: http://www.coolrunning.com/results/08/vt/Jun1_17thAn_set1.shtml  (yes I posted them because I PR’d in the half!) 

It was a cool afternoon on Wednesday – the type that is perfect for running.  Not much of a breeze, slight chill in the air, and damp.  It almost felt like late April, which is a whole other complaint.  However, we are supposed to swell into the 90’s this weekend so I’ll complain about the cool softly knowing I’ll be whining about the heat on Sunday.  At any rate, everything was set up for one glorious run.

At the outset of the race the pace was a little slow and quickly resulted in looking at the back of the pack.  However, there was a goal in mind, a pace was chosen, and now was not the time to get carried away trying to keep up with the cheetah’s.  So, around the track for the first time and everything is as it should be.  By the second trip around the track some of the blazers have lost a step and everyone is settling into a more steady pace.  At the end of lap three, with one to go, it is time for a gut check.  The pace that may have been to slow to start is now hard to maintain, this is really about accomplishing the goal and achieving something that didn’t seem possible.  With about 200 meters to go the wind, breath, and air seems to have evaporated, and now it is running in a vacuum – nothing, but guts for the final stretch.  Faster, Faster, Faster – pulling into 2nd place and blazing across the finish for the first compete mile in a race – 9 minutes flat!!! 

I ran over to Savannah to tell her how proud I was.  She had just finished her first competitive mile in 9 minutes flat.  She looked up at me and said “I don’t think I can breathe!”  I told put my arm around her, told her to hold her head up and back to let as much air in as possible while we walked it off.  In about 20 seconds she said “I did it Dad!”  I really don’t think I could have been more proud.  There were four schools out on the track that day with 50+ kids in the event.  Only 5 kids would run the mile and Savannah was one.  Among her age group and gender she was 2 out of 3.  There were two older boys who ran it as well, but they don’t count (more on them later).  All of that is really secondary to the fact that she set out to achieve the goal (run a mile in less then 10 minutes) and blew it away.  Just like her neurotic running Dad, as soon as she could catch her breath she wanted to know when we could start working on the 5k (coincidentally that would be tomorrow).  That was the sweetest mile I’ve ever been blessed enough to watch!

One quick gripe – to the little dweeb boys and the obnoxious parents who started yelling for the two older boys to lap the girls running SHUT UP!!!  Two things – 1. they all ran the mile together because they didn’t want to tie up the track for 30 minutes running all the different age groups – especially when only 5 kids were competing.  So, they weren’t competing against each other just sharing the track.  No wonder girls hate being around boys sometimes they are so obnoxious, and I had the first moment where, as a dad, I wanted to pound the crap out of some little boys – but had to be the adult.  2. That being said, to the parents who neither told there punk kids to shut it, and even more so to the ones cheering (yes cheering) for the boys to lap the girls – until you can get your butt around the track and keep up with the girls putting it all out there (at the age of 9 and 10) you can’t say a word.  SHUT IT!  Really this causes me to want to rant and rave like no other.  I can’t pound the little boys, but you mister three chin, suckin’ on a cigarette, and complaining about the lack of a comfortable chair guy that is a different story.  I’m not a big man, 5′7″ 138#, but I’m guessin’ on an open field as long as I don’t let him get a hold of me in the first 30 seconds he’s going to get a whoopin’ when he’s suckin’ air.  Just unexcusable.  Good thing my outspokin wife was at the other end of the track while this occured or I’m sure there would have been something explosive happening.

All right, I feel better – I didn’t end up in jail and even think I used the opportunity to teach our kids a valuable lesson.  I told Savannah after the race, when she asked me why some people cheered that way, that there would always be nimrod’s in the world.  She couldn’t always change them, but she could change how she responded to them.  Use it as motivation.  Now here is where I think there are some differences in gender or something about my kids in general.  Savannah said she wasn’t going to let them lap her next year, and really who cares what a couple of dumb boys do.  Joe said that he hopes he gets a chance to run next year so he can beat their…

Good day!

So the Covered Bridges half marathon was an absolute blast.  I’m finding that I look forward to meeting some of the people who I see frequently running these various races as much as I look forward to running.  Well, not quite that much, but a lot more so then I thought – and this is a pleasant revelation.  It is nice to spend some time catching up with a familiar face.

I really can’t get into race details without first mentioning (again) that this race was for a charity.  For more on the charity check out www.teamalzheimers.com.  You simply can’t imagine the challenges and heart break some of the fellow team Alzheimers runners have faced watching a loved one slowly slip away.  I think I have mentioned before that I am less concerned with no longer being able to run then I am with no longer being able to remember any of the truly transcendent memories running has blessed me with over the past two-years.  For some reason I feel as though I should state to the cynical crowd that I am truly and overwhelmingly humbled to have been a part of this team.

The race was great.  Beautiful course, good crowd support, and just enough hills to make it challenging without being a killer.  I ran it in 1 hour 18 minutes and 34 seconds.  This was the first time I broke 1:20 on a half marathon, and right on the pace I set out for.  As I got closer I realized I could break the 6 minute mile barrier and finished strong, but get this: my pace was exactly 6 minutes per mile.  All I had to do to break the 6 minute mile barrier was knock ~3 to 4 seconds off my time.  Christina laughed when I looked at the results and said that I should have sprinted out the last 15 feet instead of raising my arms.  Oh well, there is always the CHAD Half in September.

I will not go into the painful mile by mile recap like Boston, but there were a few neat things along the way.  Of course, most of the coolest parts involve covered bridges and my family.  The first leg of the race finishes up when you emerge from the Woodstock covered bridge to a roaring crowd on the green.  I knew Christina and the kids were planning on hanging out here and I was not going to miss them like Boston.  Just beyond the bridge I saw them with their signs jumping up and down.  I went over slapped high fives, cheered and continued on.  That was neat – it was almost like completing the missing part of Boston.

I enjoyed the part where the course loops back and you have runners going in both directions by Billings Farm.  It is such a lift to have fellow runners cheering for each other.  This is an absolute must keep portion of this race.  The run from mile 5 to 8 along the river is the most peaceful and serene experience you could have in a race.  By this time I was running all alone.  The Cheetah’s of the group were about 3 minutes ahead, and the person behind me was a full minute to minute and 30 back.  It is no hyperbole to say you are running with the trees, river, and family of ducks floating by.  If that experience doesn’t get you then I suggest another read of Walden by Thoreau.

What a cool surprise to see Christina and the Kids by the Taftsville bridge.  Just the boost I needed to make my way up the steepest and hardest hill of the run.  The transcendent memories I talk about with running – one thing always strikes me – how much my wife and kids cheering lifts my entire being.  It is like floating.  The hill is over and now it is downhill to the finish.  I don’t know why I am consistently surprised by how tired I get towards the end of a race, but I have found a mental tool that helps.  Once I hit that point I ask myself why I’m surprised.  I’ll then gauge how much distance is left (2 miles at this point) and just try to hang onto my pace until I can leave it all out there on the final mile.  It worked well this time.

The end of the race is really cool because you can see it for about a 0.4 miles.  This is so crucial when you know the race is about done and you are really just holding on.  To see the finish line is a 4th or 5th wind that carries you to the end.  Once across the finish line I see some of the runners I talked with at the beginning of the race who already finished or were just behind me.  More stories and celebration with them and the family, then back with signs for Team Alzheimer’s and some loud cheering – what a great early summer day!

So far as pictures – hopefully there will be some soon.  I don’t want to give my wife to hard of a time, but if her fantastic support is yin then her picture taking in yang.  I’ll take support over photos, but wow – need some work on those skills! 

Next up is a Father’s day run with Matt (brother-in-law and brand new Daddy), I can’t wait for that one – it’ll be the first time running with someone since the 5K with Vaughan!

It has really been freaking busy, I’m going to write a nice long post either Sunday afternoon or Monday about the Covered Bridges Half Marathon with pictures!  The one good thing about a blog with only a few people checking in on it is the fact that you can talk on the phone with them and forget the blog for a couple weeks.  That being said, I don’t want to completely give this up as it is turning into quite an ethical will for Joe and Savannah (God willing, grandkids someday). 

It has been a while since the last post.  I think it is weather related.  In February it is easy to find time to blog – who wants to go outside for four or five hours?  Now it is Frisbee, football, walks, yard work, and lawn mowing.  Who wants to be inside?

So, the really big news – Christina graduated this weekend!  I think I hear Angels singing.  I couldn’t have been more pleased for her.  She worked exceptionally hard to achieve this.  Not to mention the fact that she is the first person in her family to graduate from high school, and now college.  There is something to be said for everyone involved is supporting her, but ultimately it is her tenacity and faith in God that saw her (and us) through.  I have pictures that I’ll post when I find my camera cable.

Yeah!