Mont’s Full Fledge Weblog

Yes, today was the reward for wind, rain, snow, and miserable weather for the better part of 6 months.  All is not forgiven, but when you get a day like today it is only right to be thankful.  A light breeze, no clouds, 45ish…  It made the 22 miles almost pleasurable.  The first 14 really were not that bad – the last 8 not so much.  I would like to meet the person that finds 22 miles enjoyable.  Rewarding, yes – pleasurable? Nope can’t say that it is the case.

With one week left for “hard” training God has been good.  For all of the trials and tribulations that this build up has delivered, finally giving up the control to God and saying “if it is meant to be, you will make it so” has been the spring board to three great weeks.  I feel like I am peaking with the distance and times.  Perhaps not as much as my first marathon, but certainly the best it has been for about 7 months.  I’m not sure what to think of this, but gratitude comes to mind. 

I learn something from each running experience, I’m beginning to think that this round has been about letting go and trusting that the outcome will be sufficient.  I’m hoping that is how I’ll feel no matter what the finish time on April 21st.  Great day, important lessons.

So I set out for my tempo run today, a testament to the fear driven running that can sometimes be just the ticket to get out the door.  The fear: I hadn’t pushed myself on a faster run in about a week.  I wanted to see how I would respond to picking up the pace and hammering out some faster miles.  Plus, as already noted, it was windy, cold, and not a lot of fun to be outside today.  What better day to get the run in and count on reaping the benefits when the weather gets better down the road.  The good: I managed my 9.75 miles in one hour.  The bad: what you eat matters.

I’m not always strict with the food I eat.  I do pretty well most of the time, but I also feel like a benefit of running is not worrying if I have a bowl of ice cream, chips and dip, and etc.  I’m not sure I’ll change that – I’ve cut enough guilty pleasures out of life for now.  However, it is not a good idea to eat a roasted pork sandwhich 30 minutes before the tempo run.  My splits: miles 1-4 in 24 minutes (feeling sandwhich not agreeing), miles 5-7 in 19:45 (sandwhich is really better the first time around), miles 8 to the end 16:12 (sandwhich no longer on board).  Note to self: no pork sandwhiches prior to the start of Boston.

Eating healthy, there has to be some people out there who do it all the time.  Does it get boring I wonder?  I subscribe to the 85/15 rule (my own numbers).  I try to make about 85% of my calories healthy and 15% can be whatever I want.  I can’t imagine losing that last 15%.  However, I should think about how I want to “fuel up” prior to setting out.  One last question, do I count the pork sandwhich given its ultimate location along 12a to Charlestown?  If not – which is the way I’m leaning – I think a bowl of ice cream is in order.

I know this post maybe a little gross, but there is always a lesson learned with each run.  Todays just happened to be it does matter what you eat, the results of this can be less then appealing if you ignore this rule.  Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny, 45 degrees, with a light breeze, and a perfect running day – if I haven’t mentioned this already.  I’m a little giddy.

Three weeks and two days until the big run.  I received my packet from the Boston Athletic Association on Thursday that had all the information for packet pick up, transportation, bib number, and etc.  Your bib number corresponds with the qualifying time you put up so I guess that means with number 2259 that 2258 people had a better qualifying time and will be in front of me at the start of the run.  It also means that the with 20,000+ runners for the day a lot will be behind me.  So, I can neither start to fast with all of the adrenaline (good) or stop (trampled & bad). 

The packet came at the perfect time.  I have about 9 days of “training” left before “tapering” off and getting enough rest and repair for the marathon.  Over those 9 days I’m hoping to test my self a little, add a couple long runs (tomorrow and next Sunday) for the final preparation, and try to stay healthy.  Of course it has been a long winter in New England and it doesn’t seem to want to let up yet.  We had another four inches of snow yesterday and today it is 25 degrees with a 20 mph wind.  Why should it be anything else for the last week of preparation?  Who could ask for seasonable warmth of 45 degrees?  Just to stay consistent with the cyncism that isn’t always helpful – I’m sure race day will be 81 degrees and humid.  Having said all of that, getting the packet on Thursday was the motivational kick I needed to bundle up again and head out into the January conditions.  Thanks BAA.  I should note that in the midst of all this whining I looked at the weather forecast and tomorrow is supposed to be 43 degrees, sunny, and a light breeze – the very best running weather you could ask for, and on a long run day no less.  I should just get over it.

There haven’t been any further bouts of bursitis, ankle pain, or the other stuff since cutting out speed days.  I’ll have to see if a pattern develops, but I noticed that after all of my speed days when I would try to knock out some fast miles the injuries occured.  I cut those out three weeks ago and seem to be fine as long as I run long runs, moderately fast shorter runs, and occasional junk miles.  Maybe I won’t have the blazing time I hoped for, but at least I’ll be able to experience the race and finish – something I’m saying and praying will be enough given my motivation as described earlier.  I’ll try to be the purist.

On a completely different note, yesterday was Savannah’s 10th birthday – freaking 10!  I don’t know what to think about that other then wow.  I have a daughter that is 10, and she acts and behaves like a 10-year-old girl (whatever that means). 

I’ll after the run today…

I had an interesting conversation with Steve about the content of blogs.  Essentially the agreement is that most people blog about the good things in their life, or when talking about the bad things they are painted in a manner that shapes the reflection in a manner the blogger wishes for others to see it.  This makes sense given that it is their blog and they can put whatever they want on it.  It is the rare post that opens someones deeply held view of the world to honest discussion and the ability to see things outside of their own perception.  Yet, these seem to be the post that inspire the most conversation.  My blogging started with reading a post by Rich that offended some, and opened real conversation about the nature of friendships and the ridiculous & phony attempts people will make to “play nice” when there actions speak to something else.  It was one of the most interesting and revealing blogs I read and took part in.  I’m better for having been a part of it, and what it revealed about me and those who participated.  It also took courage to put out there, because it had the possibility of offending.

While this is my blog, it is in a public forum and that provides a unique experience of self-discovery.  I’m not sure I am ready to put somethings out there that might be revealing and challenging in the same way as that first post, but somethings seem worth a little more exploration at the risk of being revealed.  Sticking with a topic that weaves itself through out, and purposely avoiding other things I don’t want to get into – I have been thinking about my motivations for running.  I think this motivation is found in a lot of the things I do.

Why do I run?  This is the question that I started this blog with.  I thought I’d somehow find the answer getting up at the early hours of the morning on freezing days.  Instead I have begun to find the answer over the past two weeks when a variety of ailments have challenged my running in the way a snowstorm or frigid morning could not.  I enjoy the feeling after a run, I like how my clothes fit, and I thoroughly enjoy the adrenaline and rush before a race starts.  But, that is not enough to keep me out there day in and day out.  It is only when I had a physical ailment keep me from achieving a mental desire that I could realize what I was missing, or feared losing the most.  It is not one thing, but a few things, and I’m not that proud of some of them.

I hate that I can’t run right now because it has been the latest way I felt unique in accomplishing goals people can’t understand.  It has been ego driven.  I wanted to be the guy who showed up at a half-marathon in the wrong clothes, old shoes, and poor stretching routine – then proceeded to run faster then all but 1% of the people out there that day.  Then I wanted to bask in the compliments, play bashful, and say the right humble things while thinking “damn right your surprised – you underestimated me.”  It also gave me the ability to feel superior to others when I would hear their struggles with weight, running pace, or motivation.  I could listen to them and think – I’ve been there with all of those things and look at me, I did it, so no excuses.  Despite the fact that I did it in my own unique set of circumstances that other may not be able to enjoy. 

I fancied myself as a purist, out for the love of the run or the spiritual experience when 80% of my runs were about a pace, heart rate, calories, muscle definition, and etc.  The notion that my body is telling me you will have to be the purist you tell people you are is so incredibly dissatisfying I’m having trouble with going out for an “easy” jog.  I find myself saying “what’s the point” of a 3 mile easy run, where’s the glory in that? 

The bottom line is that I’m an imposter sometimes.  I play a role, develop the role, and shape the discussion of that role to meet the image I have created for what is an acceptable motivator for that role.  I have very real feelings, but if they are not acceptable to the impostor role I have created I bury them in some mumbo jumbo that seems to fit better.  What motivates me to run in 20 mph winds, cold days, and sore legs?  Not all the time, but to frequently, it builds my ego, gives me a sense of superiority, and makes me feel unique.  I want to be the one guy who is able to have cars pass him by and think that guy is nuts so I can say – “maybe, but don’t bitch when your sausage mcmuffin clogs your arteries.”  At the start of a race I want to line up three rows back to make sure I can come from behind – I don’t want to put myself out there as someone who is there to run faster then just about everyone else.  That would ruin the purist persona I have created.

Having said all this, it is not that the other things I have found through running are not every bit as real.  The joy of finding myself caught in a spiritual moment on a run, or the support that comes from other runners on a course and sense of respect for those out taking the same challenge.  The social joy of running with someone else and seeing them achieve a personal goal.  All of these are very real as well – and something that is easy to acknowledge.  It is the other things I have struggled to accept that are as real as those purist pursuits that seem a little less accetable.

Having acknowledged the less desirable motivatiors, maybe I can catch myself getting caught up in them again as I start Monday for my last ditch effort at training well enough for Boston.  Maybe my foot, ankle, and hamstring will hold together well enough to put a few good weeks out on the road.  Maybe, more importantly, I’ll be humbled in all of this and find the joy I have described in simply running.  What I would really like to do is simply recognize that running has multiple meanings for me and I should be willing to acknowledge all of these motivators in someway that keeps the experience real, grounded, and satisfying. 

For the first time since starting two years ago I feel I have made a step forward in running by not being on the road.  Maybe not my times, but certainly the experience.  Like I said, this is about running, but I’m sure there are many other areas in my life that this is merely a case study in typical behavior.  There is much to learn, glad this blog is here to help with that.

I ask about aging at all of my conferences, but I have to admit that I am not prepared for it or the reality it brings.  I turned 32 a week ago, and that certainly doesn’t put me in the category of a ‘57 chevy or anything, but I’m not quite a hybrid Cadillac either.  These past two weeks have been filled with running injuries.  I had bursitis in my right foot last week that I tried to come back from a little early because Boston is going to be here before I know it.  In my comeback effort I developed a nasty tendinitis in my right ankle that literally let’s me get about a half mile into a run before I can’t move.  I am truly distraught at the possibility of missing Boston. I will either be able to start putting in good weeks starting Monday or I may have to call the whole thing.  This sucks.

Somewhere in the midst of this realization I look down at my ankle/foot and wonder why it won’t just work?  I mean I’m not suggesting I don’t know the need for seeing a sports medicine doctor and getting some sort of program together to avoid injuries if I’m going to keep knocking out 55 mile weeks.  But when did I suddenly stop being able to drink beer until 2 am, eat a sausage mcmuffin with egg, drink a glass of water, and go play football/wrestling/pick up basketball or whatever and never miss a beat.  I haven’t drank in nearly two years, touched a drug in that long either, I eat better then ever, exercise regularly, and yet my body breaks down quicker and takes longer to heal then at any point in my life.  Then it hits me – I’m getting freaking older.  It is one thing to talk about it, but quite another to realize it.  I wonder, though, has all the talking and studying I  have done on the aging process naturally led me to a higtened awareness of these things?  When or did anyone else have similar thoughts?  What was going on at that point?  I feel 18 in my mind, but my body is yelling loud and clear “you are not 18!”